Assignment 8- Katie Demos

Fears: Failure, commitment, hurting others, stinkbugs, tree nuts, auditions
Annoyances: Favoritism, apathy
Accomplishments: Participated in All State since freshman year, junior moves in the field in figure skating and still going
Confusions: What the point is in life, what success truly is, why iced coffee always tastes better than hot coffee
Sorrows: Never being good enough
Dreams: Only existing in music, total seclusion, having enough wealth to give everything away to others(ex. Bill Gates, but better)
Idiosyncrasies: Learning to use different facial muscles when bored, stress-knitting/finger tapping
Risks: honesty, falling
Beloved possessions: Now and then- stuffed animal, headphones
Problems: Caring about appearance, doubt, regret

I like falling. I like the idea, even physically. Suspended in air, in an instant of peace where you can exert no control, where you give yourself to nothing and approach everything. It's limitless, at least, until it's not. Until you've hit the ground, faced with everything once again. It's the most extreme set of circumstances that one can experience. Contrast, where you've hit the most high of highs only to come plummeting down to the lowest of lows.
Falling is a part of my life. In auditions, I think I'm always falling, flying through whatever I'm approaching, set on autopilot, almost nirvana, in an odd trance of heart-pounding suspense and complete nonexistence, until BAM. A wrong note, word, or maybe just the end of the audition itself. Everything comes back to reality and either I've screwed up or it's over and there's nothing else I can do. Then comes the lowness, the failure, the tears, the finger-trembling, muscle-clenching beast that strikes late at night after the test.
Some are scared of it, and in a way, I am too. But I'm also excited, exhilarated, exalted, ecstatic, exhausted. It's a strange existence, but I think my life will always be like falling- and that's kinda just how I like it.