I am here today to suggest a new plan. This plan addresses
possibly the most pressing issue of our time. This issue most obviously being
the appropriate time to play Christmas music. Some heathens claim that it
should only be played after Thanksgiving. They claim that it could get “old”
and “worn out”. They somehow claim that by playing Christmas music earlier, it
would ruin the magic of the season. They don’t know just how very wrong they
are. Christmas music is wonderful! It is the most wonderful time of the year
for a reason! How dare they try to oppress us and our Christmas music rights. I
believe that if I want to play “All I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey in
the middle of June, not a single should should be allowed to judge me. I say we
play it all year round! How on earth could someone possibly not want that? We
as a Nation should stand against these fools! So what if we ruin the magic of
the Christmas season, WE NEED OUR CHRISTMAS MUSIC!
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